I'm so so so so busy this week!Phew T.G.I.F!=)

This week has been hectic for me.Lots of tutorials to rush and revision has to be made on a daily basis to catch up with the curriculum.The content for every single subject(especially Biology) is very heavy and doing last minute work ain't gonna work.Oh man,I can't go back to the slacking attitude that I used to adopt in my secondary school days.Haha,I remembered that I used to not do homework for every subjects in my alma mater and my teachers will be hot on my heels.Too bad I can't do that now because YAMUNA is my civics tutor!Power man,haha.Besides that,its time for me to change my attitude towards school work.In order to get all As for A Level,I must persevere till the end!

Oh wait,Mr Subash say that I need to attend extra lessons for Maths for every Tuesday and Friday.Hurray!Haha,actually I had been wanting remedial for Maths because I'm seriously weak in it and remember that my goal is to get an A for Maths in A Levels.I guess I won't be online too often now due to my schedule but I'll blog once in a while.Oh man,later I have to revise my Biology and Maths.Hmm..

I'm always having writer's block when I blog so pardon me if my entries are full of grammar,vocabulary,spelling or whatever mistakes,you nerds.

Alright,as usual,I'm so gonna complain!People usually detest girls who whine but I'm so not going to care!I MUST VENT MY ANGER ARGH!Okay,I have a whole lot of Chemistry tutorials to do again and till now,I still can't get hold of the concepts.I meant,I pay attention during lectures and tutorials but nothing goes inside my head.What to do?!I'm going to revise my Chem later and I must make sure that I can understand everything man.My aim is to get A for my promos this year.I can do it(mark my words)!

School has been okay for me.However,I still can't really adjust to JJ's culture.To me,the way the students behave there is like completely different from what I expected and hope for.My classmates are friendly and nice,but I still feel kinda empty even when I laugh along with them and have fun.Its like,something isn't right.They don't have that something that I'm looking for.What is that something?I don't even know it myself.I just know that I'm thinking too much again and randoms thoughts keep running through my head.Sighs,am I normal?

Sometimes,I'm VERY afraid of myself.I don't feel and behave like a normal human.I can have really morbid and schzophrenic thoughts at times,especially when I'm feeling depressed.

I suspect I still like____.Okay,lets call him Feng from now on.I think perhaps what I have for him is not love.Wait,I'm contradicting myself.Oh heck.This is how I feel.I love it when I see him having problems with his life and studies.I adore the fact that he is poor and I hope that he can be like that for the rest of his life.I relished when I see him having emotional struggles.Why will I feel this way?When you like someone,you hoped for the best for that person right?Why am I not hoping that he will succeed in life?Why do I enjoy seeing him downcasted and depressed?Why I hope that he will end up being a computer technician and earn a measly pay of 1K per month?Man,this is not love right?But why do I insist that I like him?Is there anything in him worth falling for?The answer is no.But he had been running in my mind ever since I saw him with her.I'm a sicko.

Should I forgive her?I bet you guys don't know what I'm talking about.Sometimes ignorance is bliss.I wished that I don't know about those stuffs and live my normal and simple kind of life.A life whereby I just do homework,study hard for my subjects and occasionally a cup of coffee or lunch with my friends.I don't want to know that Feng is now with her and stuff because even though there is nothing significant in it,it just keep bugging me.In fact,I'm starting to hallucinate.My mind just went wild when the simplest thought of it pop in my mind.I try not to think about it but the more I prevent myself to think about it,the more I will remember of it.Its driving me crazy.I can't believe I saw them near Buona Vista MRT from my BUS!!!I meant,what is the probability of seeing them walking down that particular stretch of road at a particular time and day from a freaking bus??!Normally I will just dozed off in the bus but at that particualr friday,I spotted them the moment I open my eyes and accidentally gazed out of the window.So do I call this fate?Its so freaking coincidental!At that instance,I almost become a mad woman.Laugh all you want.

Ok,I am gonna salvage my Chem now as well as sending a sms to her.Hope nothing goes wrong.Bye!

I guess I seriously need to cut down on the time spent online.ARGH I START WORRYING AGAIN!Lots of stuff have been bugging me the whole day.I'm kind of undecided on certain issues.Oh man,I need a life.

I need money now.$179 on Graphic Calculator,$228 on Times Magazine for the ever so deadly GP,money for the various forms of school attire,money for subject textbooks,money for Maths(and perhaps Chem) tuition,money for new school bag(my current one is killing my skeletal frame),money for IDP,MONEY MONEY MONEY!I HATE THE SOUND OF IT BUT I NEED IT BADLY!

I felt really guilty when my mum handed me the money for the GC.Its her hard earned money and I don't think I deserved the rights to accept it.Its my education and I had already spent so much of her life savings on it.I sometimes wonder why we need to spent so much money on education.I don't think I can earn the money back even if I slogged my life off working after I have graduate from the uni.I guess I really need to be thrifty now and be wise with my spendings.NO MORE SNACKS AND ACCESSORIES FOR ME FROM NOW ON.

I thought of cancelling the tuition plan as well but I'm afraid that I can't cope with my studies.My subject combination is BCME and I guess I'm courting death.The reasons being,my grades for these subjects at O Levels sucks!

O Level
Biology-B3
I knew I can get better marks since I screwed up my practical real badly but at the same time,the theory paper was so freaking easy.

Chemistry-B3/B4(can't remember)
PASSING O LEVEL CHEM IS PURE TYCO.Believe it or not,I got D7 for chem up till prelims.

Maths-E Maths-A1,A Maths-ABSENT
I believed E Maths was also tyco because I didn't do two questions and still get A1.Worse still,I don't have full A Maths background and H2 Maths is more in depth than A Maths.

I bet you will be in a dillema if you are in my shoes.Stress arh!I have to put in twice the effort for every subjects than other students and I may need to go for tuition and part time job.Life will never be the same for me again.At least for the next two years.Guess I should start doing my tutorials now.

BYE BYE!

Life is much better now in JJ(((:

Yesterday was kind of lonely for me because we have been splited into our class and I was very new to the environment.Personally,I need time to adapt since I'm not their first intakers and their culture is very different from what I used to have.Anyway,today is quite a nice day for me.I've made new friends!Nothing to be excited about haha.They are Michelle,Yi Ting,Li Su,Cythia,Clement and Clarence.They are quite friendly in my opinion and not the sort that belong to the 'chinese gang' if you know what I meant.I felt much better today as yesterday was disappointing and come to think about it,JJC is not as bad as I used to think it to be.At least I have a sense of acceptance and belonging now!YAY

Ok,now I'm beginning to feel the pressure of JC life.Proper lessons started today and there are already lots of tutorials to complete!The lecturers are going through the topics very quickly and I find it rather hard to catch up.I guess I have to read through my lecture notes beforehand but there are really alot of information to digest.Yikes!Hope I don't have a nervous breakdown.

I'm feeling so sleepy now.I slept at around 11pm every night and had to wake up by 5.30am.I think for these few days I had to burn the midnight oil because there are Biology and Chemistry tutorials to complete plus alot of catching up for Maths.I actually wanted to take up a part time job due to financial difficulties but I don't know whether it is wise to do so.What do you think?

I'm supposed to visit my uncle at the hospital last night but I was too lazy so I decided to visit him the next day.

Tonight,I'm going to visit him.However,this time its not at the hospital but rather,at St Joseph Church.He passed away early this morning and it was quite unexpected because I thought he could pull through it.I felt rather sad because if I make it a point to visit him yesterday,at least I could give him some words of encouragement and tell him that many people actually care about him.You see,sometimes if you don't fulfill what you wanted to do as soon as possible,you may not have a chance to do it again.Haiz..

I thought of you again.I wonder when I could stop thinking about you.Gonna practise some A Maths questions now(I need serious help in H2 Maths next time).Okie enjoy your weekends then,ta-ta.

My collections of lovey dovey quotes!Hope you don't find it bo liao=))

Broken heart ones)):

"Forget who hurt you yesterday, But don't forget who loves you tenderly today."

"The day you finally decide to love me will be the day after the day I have given up on chasing you"

"I hate to see the one I love happy with somebody but I surely hate it more to see the one I love unhappy with me..."

"Time will make you forget me but time will make me love you more than before."

Break up quotes )):

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."

Funny love quotes ((:

''I know the door to your heart belongs to another, but I think I can slip in through the window.''

Heartbreak love quotes )):

"Nothing hurts more than realising he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him. "

Romantic quotes ((:

"Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you. And I wish on a star, that somewhere you are thinking of me too"

Sad love quotes )):

“When I look at you my heart skips a beat but later that beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted on something I knew I could never have"

The quotes above are touching right?!!Haha it can be quite nostalgic when you think about how much you used to like somebody.Am I still thinking of you?For my case,I termed it 'abnormal love' because I have only seen him thrice and yet he had quite a firm place in my heart.Its been two weeks since I last saw him and I hope I can see him again.But at the same time,I hope I can forget about him.Ironic right?

I have decided to stay in JJC.

Well,I pondered over this matter for quite some time and I thought,perhaps,I'm fated to be in JJC.So many obstacles hindered my process of going to YJC and I don't think its all coincidental.Maybe that is God's will.

I think I'm rather silly and sensitive.I have this extremely nasty habit of worrying and thinking about every single thing.Currently,I'm very uptight over my chances of studying Medicine in NUS.I heard from my friend that you need 4 H2 subjects at A Levels to qualify for the course?Her words kept repeating over and over again in my head and it is beginning to create a stir in my heart.If what she say is true,then my ambition is dashed just because I didn't do that well in O Levels.Am I really thinking too much?I need to relax..

Sometimes I think I'm in the wrong environment.The people I hang out with are rich and rather pampered(no offence here).As a result,I tend to get influenced by them.Since I came from a very cheena and neighbourhood primary school,my years in FMSS were rather unbearable.Obviously I encountered cultural shock during my first year and I'm VERY surprised to see that there were alot of rich brats in my school.I'm sad to say that in that environment,I got influenced negatively.I became very materialistic even though I'm a poor soul and I'm always forcing my mother to buy me branded stuffs.

I always envy my classmates whenever their parents drive them to school or back home.I admired their condominiums,semi-detached and bungalows and wished that I could have that as well.But I know I would have to be contented taking SBS buses to school(I remembered once I walked all the way home because I don't have enough money to take bus) and living in a dingy HDB flat.Pardon me but I sometimes wondered why am I born in a poor family instead of others?Why do others live in such luxury whereas I have to be contended with my bare minimal?I used to feel inferior because of my background and that kind of create a barrier between me and my classmates.

Please don't laugh but I hope to be the first person in my FAMILY TREE to get into a university.Nobody ever reach that far in my family and I seriously wonder whether I can create that record.My parents' hope were pinned on me and I'm beginning to feel the pressure.For you guys,getting into the uni doesn't mean much to you,but for me,it means a great deal.I feel proud that I can come to this far despite having poor living and studying conditions(my study table is the size of two textbooks).I actually felt victorious when I knew that some rich brats scored worse than me in O Levels(no offence again,I'm not talking about anyone in specific).I knew that what I have achieved will always be in the hearts of my parents.I knew they feel proud for me.

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm living for others or myself?Am I really doing what I want?Am I really keen in pursuing Medicine?Or is it just that I'm trying to keep up with my rich friends.I don't want to do something just because of the status but because of my interest.Some of my rich friends were shocked when I told them that I wanted to be an Accountant or hairstylist.They say those jobs have low pay and 'mei qian tu'.I think its because of their comments that I started to dislike them abit.Have they considered my background?An accountant earns 2.5k per month and to me,thats alot!I'm a very sensitive person and I reviewed every single sentences that people said.So in order not to be dao by me,please be careful with what you say.

Thinking and thinking non stop..NTU's Biomedical Science and Medincine's double degree sounds great.

OMGOSH FREAKING YJC CLERK!!!

Apparently,I've decided to call YJC up to enquire about the appeal results.The *insert your own blank* clerk told me that my appeal form wasn't with them and I had already took them back.I meant,HELLO?,WOULD I TAKE BACK THE APPEAL FORM FOR THE FUN OF IT?So the thing is that now I was sort of 'rejected' by them because my form wasn't there.Stupid,isn't it?I was super fed up with her because firstly,the appeal form was not with me.Secondly,she didnt bother to check whether she had misplaced my appeal form.Thirdly,she asked me whether the reason why I appealed to YJC is due to the fact that I failed English in a VERY RUDE way.Lastly,my marks is certainly well enough to obtain a place in YJC and she wanna act bigshot!>..<

Went with Tian En to Bukit Timah to buy my JJC uniform.I really don't like the uniform!But what can I do?I have to adapt to new environment,I guess.Well,even if I really dislike JJC to the extreme,I must force myself to like it because it is going to be my school for the next two years and whether I can score As in my A Levels depend on it.JJC ROCKS MAN!Haha,sounds very fake..

I kept worrying about things again..tell you more later.

Today is already Wednesday and yet YJC still have not called me=((

Been slacking at home for the past few days.Really don't feel like doing anything because I need to catch up on my sleep as I'm afraid I would not have the chance to do so once school reopens.My dark eye rings is so freaking jialat ok!How to lighten them??Haiz,I guess the reason why mine are so dark is because I tend to have insomia at night.It is a habit since young and I don't know when I can be free from it.

Haha I just cut my fringe myself!I finish cutting in like 5mins?Its kind of fun doing stupid things when you are bored haha.I look weird now but I like being an oddball(: I nearly went to a salon near my house today and snip off 4 inches off my hair!I think I'm too impetuous sometimes haha.But now I seriously dislike my hair because its super frizzy and inmanageable.I thought a short crop might freshen me up.Hmm..

I just read yesterday Straits Time and I realised that the annual fee to study Medicine in NUS is around $16000!It may be quite reasonable to you rich guys out there but to me,its like,OMGOSH!Oh my,if I ever managed to score well in my A Levels and get into that course,financial difficulties might be a huge factor that could prevent me from being a doctor.I came from a poor background and sometimes my parents have difficulty paying for the bills and stuff.I'm really afraid that I would not be able to pursue my dreams just because I'm poor.Should I start working part time from now on?What do you think..

YJC APPEAL RESULTS WILL BE OUT BY THIS WED OR FRI!WOOO..

Apparently,I thought that the appeal results will be out by last friday and I was super worried because till now I still did not receive any calls from the person in charge.Then I called just now to enquire and the clerk told me that the person in charge of appealing results is on leave and she will only tally the results on wednesday.Heng arh,luckily I called,or else I would have give up hope liao.So please pray that my appeal will be successful okie?

Will be back...

Came back from a whole day of shopping at Bugis haha:D

Accompany Kaihui to Bugis area to shop for our school bags for our upcoming new life in JC and she bought a shoulder bad for $20.Argh,as for me,I did not managed to buy mine because I'm super fussy and didn't see any bag that could please my eyes.We also shop for two of our friends' birthday presents in Bugis street.Haha I miss SRJC!I missed Kaihui's sighing in class and alot of fun stuffs.Oh ya,I took neoprints with Kaihui and Jie Lun also.Its super weird la because the timer is quite fast and the first photo is really funny!Tee hee :D

Ate alot of junk food recently and I'm quite guilty of it!You might say that its alright for me because I'm skinny and stuff but I think I far exceed the 'legal limit' for binging on junk foods.I ate two cup noodles,two packets of potato chips,oily meat balls,a huge bar of chocolate,sweets and two double cheeseburgers today!Yikes,hope I don't pile on weight haha.

Okie got to bathe now,ta-ta!

WHY YJC HAVE NOT CALL ME YET?!?!?!

Argh,I hope my nightmare don't come true,that is,to be stuck in JJC for the next two years and doing the subjects that I dislike.Worst still,I did not buy JJC's uniform and I think the vendors stopped selling them.Triple yikes=/

Just came back from Toa Payoh.I've bought two boxes of Freshkon's Alluring Black contact lens and they cost $56.Expensive right?Actually I wanted to buy Acuvue Define but they are even more costly!Too bad,women are vain 'creatures' haha.My mum spent alot of money on my stuff today and i vowed to control my spendings because I think I have come to the age whereby my expenses should be paid by myself.I'm still feeling guilty now,haiz.

YJC better call me soon la!Cant believe I'm begging for the lousiest JC(in terms of academic results) to accept me haha.Seriously I don't think I'm suited for JJC because of the cultural differences.I meant I don't think I can communicate with the people there because they are like super into chinese?I trust my instincts(they are always right) and I believed I will be able to make a difference in YJC positively!Guess I should just leave everything to God Almighty and let him choose the path that is best for me=))

Oh ya I feel like going for an image makeover!Haha I'm always having wacky ideas.My rebonded hair has gone out of effect even though I just did it for only two weeks.The bad thing is now my hair ends become frizzy!When i smooth through my hair with my hands,I could feel the 'coarseness' and the damaged hair sticking out.Very yikes right?I will never rebond my hair again!Once bitten twice shy,natural is the new vogue haha.So now I'm comtemplating whether I should chop off my hair real short.You know,like around chin length?Argh have to waste money again>.

Okie going to bed soon.My dark eye rings super jialat.Hope I can sleep it away haha.Good night,take care!

My mind's unweaving/ 6:58 AM

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Hello!I'm back with a new blog!The reason why I create a new blog is due to the fact that I'm too conservative with my private life in my previous blog,that is,I tend not to talk about certain areas of my life.Now,I guess I should treat this blog as my personal diary,somewhere I can bare my soul and cry my heart out when I'm feeling upset..

Well,by now you guys should know that I'm posted to Jurong Junior College for JAE.Hmm,its somehow similar to Serangoon JC,just that its more cheena!Everybody in my OG conversed in mandarin and I had difficulty trying to keep my spoken chinese in place.Even though I got an A2 for O Level Chinese,but I have not studied it since June last year,so now its abit haywired haha.Anyway,i got a very important piece of information to announce.I JUST APPEALED TO GET INTO YISHUN JC!

I can predict your reaction when you read the previous sentence.You must be thinking,''Are you mad?YJC is like the lousiest JC in Singapore,you should secure your place in JJC lor!''Oh well,I ponder over that thought too.I used to matter alot about the reputation of a JC and I keep telling myself not to enrolled into a 'lousy' JC because it will be so embarrassing.However,I thought alot regarding this matter for the past few days and I ask myself,''What is it that I really want?''Do I want the JC that I'm enrolled in to be an above average college so that I can have that sense of satisfaction whenever my relatives ask me about my school?Or is it that I want to pursue a subject combination that I'm really interested in that is only available in the bottom JCs?Well,if you are smart,you will know that my answer is the latter.

I'm appealing to YJC so that I can take Chemistry,Biology and Economics at H2 level and Maths at H1 level.Its such a pity that I'm in JJC now because the subject combinations offered there are kind of rigid,in the sense that Maths and Chemistry are compulsory for Science students at H2 level.In case you don't know,I DON'T LIKE MATHS AND VICE VERSA!Kudos to those that scored distinctions for both E Maths and A Maths,really pei fu you guys..Oh ya,I've made a new friend when I'm appealing to YJC,shucks,I've forgotten his name but I knew he is currently in SRJC now and he wanted to get into YJC as well haha.

I'm not going to be home for the next two days because I have my orientation camp!Heard from the first intakers that the camp was fun.Frankly speaking,I don't really like camps as I hate to fight for the toilets during wash up.If the station games are dumb,I have a tendency to show my displeasure by sulking(I know I'm bad haha).Hope the camp really lives up to its name=)Don't miss me hehe.

Sighs,for no apparent reason,I'm feeling abit down again.Is it because I'm still thinking of you?I knew you must have a very bad impression of me when i did something stupid a few days ago.Well,I don't do that to gain your attention,neither am I pretentious about being kind to your friend.I'm really sincere to help him with all my heart but does he appreciate it?I don't think you will be reading my blog but as I've said,this blog shall be my soul diary-somewhere I can release my joys and sorrows as much as I feel like it.Oh ya,I don't even dare to look at you on that day!I try to glance at the corner of my eye but I can only see your side profile.You still looked the same to me,just that you have changed your spectacles I supposed.If only your heart can change,then I guess my life will be even more pleasurable.I guess its really fate to meet you at the bus stop on that fateful day.You know what,we are actually comtemplating to leave the place but at that very moment,I've caught sight of you and your friends from afar(>10metres)!I was at a loss because I knew it will be freaking awkward to meet you but yet I want to steal a glance at you as I might not have a chance to do so in the future...You might puke if you happen to read this but its all the truth and nothing else.

Anyway,I watched Underworld Revolution yesterday at cineleisure with my friends and I managed to get into the cinema even though the movie was M18!They don't check ICs haha.Its a gruesome show whereby there are alot of scenes that feature flesh being ripped or torn apart.Not going to give any spoilers and I don't recommend you to watch this show too because personally,I think it is stupid as the villian will always be mutilated and the good the hero.Boring!

Got to sleep now,its getting late.Hope you don't keep appearing in my mind tomorrow.I want to enjoy the camp ok!Haha take care,see you guys soon..=))

My mind's unweaving/ 11:50 PM