I have decided to stay in JJC.

Well,I pondered over this matter for quite some time and I thought,perhaps,I'm fated to be in JJC.So many obstacles hindered my process of going to YJC and I don't think its all coincidental.Maybe that is God's will.

I think I'm rather silly and sensitive.I have this extremely nasty habit of worrying and thinking about every single thing.Currently,I'm very uptight over my chances of studying Medicine in NUS.I heard from my friend that you need 4 H2 subjects at A Levels to qualify for the course?Her words kept repeating over and over again in my head and it is beginning to create a stir in my heart.If what she say is true,then my ambition is dashed just because I didn't do that well in O Levels.Am I really thinking too much?I need to relax..

Sometimes I think I'm in the wrong environment.The people I hang out with are rich and rather pampered(no offence here).As a result,I tend to get influenced by them.Since I came from a very cheena and neighbourhood primary school,my years in FMSS were rather unbearable.Obviously I encountered cultural shock during my first year and I'm VERY surprised to see that there were alot of rich brats in my school.I'm sad to say that in that environment,I got influenced negatively.I became very materialistic even though I'm a poor soul and I'm always forcing my mother to buy me branded stuffs.

I always envy my classmates whenever their parents drive them to school or back home.I admired their condominiums,semi-detached and bungalows and wished that I could have that as well.But I know I would have to be contented taking SBS buses to school(I remembered once I walked all the way home because I don't have enough money to take bus) and living in a dingy HDB flat.Pardon me but I sometimes wondered why am I born in a poor family instead of others?Why do others live in such luxury whereas I have to be contended with my bare minimal?I used to feel inferior because of my background and that kind of create a barrier between me and my classmates.

Please don't laugh but I hope to be the first person in my FAMILY TREE to get into a university.Nobody ever reach that far in my family and I seriously wonder whether I can create that record.My parents' hope were pinned on me and I'm beginning to feel the pressure.For you guys,getting into the uni doesn't mean much to you,but for me,it means a great deal.I feel proud that I can come to this far despite having poor living and studying conditions(my study table is the size of two textbooks).I actually felt victorious when I knew that some rich brats scored worse than me in O Levels(no offence again,I'm not talking about anyone in specific).I knew that what I have achieved will always be in the hearts of my parents.I knew they feel proud for me.

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm living for others or myself?Am I really doing what I want?Am I really keen in pursuing Medicine?Or is it just that I'm trying to keep up with my rich friends.I don't want to do something just because of the status but because of my interest.Some of my rich friends were shocked when I told them that I wanted to be an Accountant or hairstylist.They say those jobs have low pay and 'mei qian tu'.I think its because of their comments that I started to dislike them abit.Have they considered my background?An accountant earns 2.5k per month and to me,thats alot!I'm a very sensitive person and I reviewed every single sentences that people said.So in order not to be dao by me,please be careful with what you say.

Thinking and thinking non stop..NTU's Biomedical Science and Medincine's double degree sounds great.