Monday, February 12, 2007
My sis was hospitalised because she was unwell to begin with and fell hard on the ground.She hit the back of her head on the floor and blood starts flowing out of it.Not a pleasant sight to behold and certainly it sort of affects my mood.Now i'm all alone at home as my parents are now in the hospital settling all the administrative stuff.And i'm feeling emo again after listening to a list of songs by Muse.Don't ask me why i'm still at home in front of the computer typing this post when i should be in the hospital feeling concerned about my sis.I'm equally concerned as my parents,just that i feel that my physical presence in the hospital wouldn't help her a slighest bit since i'm not a doctor or a healer.So isn't it better for me to stay at home and do my homework instead of being there and getting nothing done?Hmm mm...I initially planned to tell my parents about my 'struggle' with JC life but after what happened today,i guess i have to put off the plan till a further date.Nothing is confirmed yet;i may not choose to go to a poly after all.I just want to tell them that i'm facing alot of 'unhappiness' with my current academic path per se and that they might have to expect a decision from me soon.But after what happened today,i was thinking whether all this was planned by God(in general).Why do my sis happen to hit her head today and not on some other day?Why is it that when i wanted to tell my parents about it,this morbid incident happened?So was this part of the affinity i have with JJ?Does God want me to stick to this path?I have absolutely no idea what lies ahead but one thing's for sure,its not going to be easy.Giving up my life in JJ is not an easy task.I think the hardest thing to let go is saying goodbyes to my friends,especially my classmates.Goodbyes are not always easy to say in the first place,they require alot of determination from the speaker.Secondly,i think Ms Yamuna might kill me haha.I can imagine her pupils dilating and her brows raised in dismayed.Hmm,not a pleasurable sight too.Thirdly,i think i'm setting a bad example to my OG11 campers.I feel that i do not practised what i preached(that is,JC life is 'great').The fourth point is,i've come to this far,am i wasting it all if i let go just like that?I would have waste my teachers' time and effort on me,plus my own's too.But on the other hand,these sacrifices may be necessary if i do not want a lifetime of regret.These sacrifices are necessary if i want to do something that i really enjoy.So till now,i'm still in a dilemma.I shall see how things go after CNY.Oh and i missed out a point.One of the thing i find it hard to let go of is the chance to see my crush in school.Haha,am i silly?And i really wondered whether he knew of my existence in school,that i constantly kept a lookout for him,and that there will be a sudden flutter in my stomach whenever i see him?Hmm,how was he supposed to know in the first place haha.Hope i'll get to see him again tomorrow(:Alright,i'll stop at here.Got to mug my Bio SPA for Wednesday.See ya buddies(:
My mind's unweaving/ 9:24 PM
